Dying to Myself
So far this whole adoption process has been overwhelming to say the least. For those who do not know me well, I am a huge control freak. I could probably be clinically diagnosed with 7 different kinds of anxiety disorders. I am so OCD it's ridiculous. To put it lightly, I am a hot mess on my best day.
It wasn't until I was 23 that I actually began to seek the Lord and ask Him what he wanted for my life. I had always thought that I knew what He wanted (to be a teacher and have 3 kids in the burbs of course). The more and more I fell in love with Jesus the more and more I realized that my life was not reflecting this love affair. Jesus calls us to be radically unlike anyone else. To live a life that is counter-cultural in such a way that it might shock those around us. So why then, would He want me to work a normal 9-5 and go home to a white picket fence? As I slowly began to unravel this concept in my mind, He was simultaneously exposing me to orphan care. Coincidence? Probably not.
My first radical yes was going to Africa. I said it so quickly and with very little thinking! I just knew that this was my trip. However, I had never been off the continent before. This yes had to be Jesus. It came a cost, both to my bank account and to my heart. That's how it is though; saying yes to the plans that the Lord has often involve more than just action, saying yes forces you to change. This couldn't be more true about my trip to Zimbabwe. I came back to the U.S. more humble and with tunnel vision. I am on this Earth to care for orphans. Never, have I ever, felt so sure of anything in my life.
Saying yes to adoption, on the other hand, has come in waves. I said a meager yes when I was young and I thought an adopted child would be an adorable addition to my family photo. I said a definitive yes as Tim and I got married and told each other that we would in fact adopt a child "someday." I screamed yes over and over again when I was in Zimbabwe and held dozens of orphaned children in my arms.
My last yes took the longest. The yes I said to adopting a child out of foster care has taken me over 6 months to say. My desire for an African child is still in my heart and I know that God will meet me there one day, but today, my child is here in the US. I am beyond excited to get him home and I know that a foster care child would be a perfect addition to my family, but this yes came at a cost. I didn't want to say yes to this but God didn't care. Not only did I not want to say yes, I actually told God no on several occasions. But, His plans are so much better than mine. He knew that this was the way and I just had to get on board. I am so thankful that He was patient with me because I know that this yes will lead to something amazing. I am over the moon excited about what God is doing with us right now and I am saddened that it took me 6 months to get here.
My advice, don't take saying yes to God's desires lightly. I promise you, saying yes leads to more discomfort, more stress, more anxiety, and many more problems. The enemy doesn't want to see you following God's plan so he will make the path to God's heart way more difficult than it needs to be. Saying yes also involves a lot of looking at your life and exposing some hard truths about yourself and others. However, saying yes to what God has for you leads to much bigger rewards. His way is ultimately the best, and quite frankly, the only way you should want to live your life.
What is God calling you to do? What are you saying no to today? I encourage you to slowly begin to say yes to God's dreams for your life.
My first radical yes was going to Africa. I said it so quickly and with very little thinking! I just knew that this was my trip. However, I had never been off the continent before. This yes had to be Jesus. It came a cost, both to my bank account and to my heart. That's how it is though; saying yes to the plans that the Lord has often involve more than just action, saying yes forces you to change. This couldn't be more true about my trip to Zimbabwe. I came back to the U.S. more humble and with tunnel vision. I am on this Earth to care for orphans. Never, have I ever, felt so sure of anything in my life.
Saying yes to adoption, on the other hand, has come in waves. I said a meager yes when I was young and I thought an adopted child would be an adorable addition to my family photo. I said a definitive yes as Tim and I got married and told each other that we would in fact adopt a child "someday." I screamed yes over and over again when I was in Zimbabwe and held dozens of orphaned children in my arms.
My last yes took the longest. The yes I said to adopting a child out of foster care has taken me over 6 months to say. My desire for an African child is still in my heart and I know that God will meet me there one day, but today, my child is here in the US. I am beyond excited to get him home and I know that a foster care child would be a perfect addition to my family, but this yes came at a cost. I didn't want to say yes to this but God didn't care. Not only did I not want to say yes, I actually told God no on several occasions. But, His plans are so much better than mine. He knew that this was the way and I just had to get on board. I am so thankful that He was patient with me because I know that this yes will lead to something amazing. I am over the moon excited about what God is doing with us right now and I am saddened that it took me 6 months to get here.
My advice, don't take saying yes to God's desires lightly. I promise you, saying yes leads to more discomfort, more stress, more anxiety, and many more problems. The enemy doesn't want to see you following God's plan so he will make the path to God's heart way more difficult than it needs to be. Saying yes also involves a lot of looking at your life and exposing some hard truths about yourself and others. However, saying yes to what God has for you leads to much bigger rewards. His way is ultimately the best, and quite frankly, the only way you should want to live your life.
What is God calling you to do? What are you saying no to today? I encourage you to slowly begin to say yes to God's dreams for your life.
You are such an inspiration...I'm so proud of you!!
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