On Hold

How a pregnancy can severely slow down an adoption process.

Tim and I met with our homestudy assessor on Monday for what we thought would be our final interview. Tim and I hadn't told her yet about the pregnancy because it just seemed like an inappropriate thing to say over email. "Hey, how are ya? We're pregnant! But let's get together and get this homestudy thing done!" So we waited until this Panera meeting to break the news.

It is so funny because I could see how her line of questioning was opening itself up to the topic of babies. Her first question was about how long we have been trying to have children, to which I answered..."we really haven't been." She gave me a funny look and asked me if I've ever lost any pregnancies, to which I answered..."none to my knowledge."  She then asked me about infertility, to which I answered..."we're pregnant." It was so interesting to see her whole face change. Of course I understand that many, many families turn to adoption because of fertility issues; and for those people my heart literally aches. But we explained to our assessor that we have felt God prompting us to grow our family through birth and adoption since August. This is why we started the adoption process before we even knew whether or not everyone had working parts. :)

Time to rant...I have never viewed adoption as plan B. I understand that many people do. Since that way didn't work, we'll do this. This is by all means a very real solution for some people and I am so excited that many of my friends have become parents through adoption only! For Tim and I, however, it has always just been part of the plan. This is why it's not too terribly surprising that we got pregnant during our homestudy.  This is why we started our homestudy at the tender ages of 25 and 26. This is a part of the plan no matter if we birth children or not.

After we broke the news she obviously congratulated us and asked us the typical questions that follow such news (when are you due, how many weeks are you, do you know what you're having yet). She then explained that because of our pregnancy, basically no agencies would view us as possible candidates for placement until our baby is at least a few months old. This would put us in the winter of 2014. I sort of knew this once the stick turned pink but it was still slightly disappointing to hear it from a professional in the adoption field. 

She then said that if we finished the homestudy now, in June, we would have 2 years to complete an adoption. Basically we'd be a ticking time bomb before we have to pay to renew the homestudy. However, we can put the homestudy "on hold" until after the baby comes. This would then put our approval date in (probably) January of 2014 and give us an additional 8 months to complete an adoption down the road. It is clear that more time is better so this seemed like a good solution. She said this happens to more families than I would expect. Other families are like ours in that they get pregnant during this process, some have a family emergency to attend to during the homestudy that causes a hold, and some have other reasons than that!

I had assumed this whole time that our assessor would be annoyed/angry/frustrated with us somehow. She was, as I'm sure most sane people would understand, totally fine with this hold. Like I said, she assured us that this happens a lot and would not later hurt our chances to adopt.

So, like I always ask, where does this leave us? We're officially "done" working on our homestudy until November when this avocado baby arrives. After that, we will finish the homestudy once and for all (huzzah!) and begin to pray. We know that we obviously don't want to immediately bring home a second child. That would be completely crazy. However, we know that God still wants to use us to adopt an older child so we will pray. I know that God will speak just as loudly to us 10 months from now about how He wants to use us as He did all those times He hollered about adoption the first time.

I am thankful for taking my adoption classes. I think that these will help me to be a better parent. I am thankful that I read those "how to raise adopted children" books. I think that these will help me be a better parent as well. I now need to focus on this baby that God has blessed me with in womb.

God is good. Even when He makes you turn left when you wanted to go straight, He's a good God. My pastor once said that God is like a Cosmic GPS which will continue to make you to turn until you end up where He wants you, not where you want you. I have never felt that more than I did this year. I'm holding on tight and praying that we have fewer hard left turns and instead just a windy road.

Sacrifices

This parenting thing is already testing me.

We're not even really parents yet but I feel like I'm already thinking about this child more than myself. I guess that is exactly what is supposed to happen when you have a kid. You, ya know, put their needs ahead of your own. Well this baby isn't even here yet and I'm already trying to make decisions that will better his/her future.

The reason this is so on my mind right now is due to the events of last weekend. This time last week I should have been in Myrtle Beach. Where was I you ask? Here, in Columbus, having a very average weekend. When I was asked by some friends to join them at the beach I wanted nothing more than to say yes. However, being a good student of Dave Ramsey, I consulted our budget to see how much money we could spare so I could go on this trip. Looking the budget over there was definitely money for me to go....

...However, knowing that in November our lives were going to change drastically forever, I could hardly bring myself to spend this money. Right now we already have the bill from the doctor for my appointments, ultrasounds, and her fees. After that we will get what I'm sure will be a fairly large hospital bill. Then of course we are bringing home a baby who needs diapers, food, clothes, and all that other stuff. Like I always say, I'm not trying to complain and I certainly don't want anyone to think "oh, those poor kids!" 

As parents, Tim and I have decided to slow down our spending and save money like it's going out of print in an attempt to be better prepared for this child. This decision has come at a cost to us. This means that we will spend less time going out with friends, we will eat less expensive food, and we will certainly not go to the beach. It just seems silly to us to spend our extra money which can be saved for the hospital bills and such on things that aren't really that important.

Becoming a parent has been a humbling experience of our lives. While becoming so focused on this tiny being we are then forced to push down our own wants and desires. But isn't this exactly what all good parents do? How much more respect do I now have for my own parents. How much have they sacrificed over the years? I'm 25 years old---they must have given up thousands of things for me over the years. And I know that this simple sacrifice of saying no to one vacation is the first of thousands of sacrifices that I will make for this child. Not just financial sacrifices but I know that I will have to sacrifice my time, energy, and every resource I have available for this child.

So, to be honest, it was REALLY HARD for me to say no to this girls weekend at the beach. However, when that baby comes home with us, I know these temporary feelings of jealousy and sadness of not being able to go will leave. So this post is for all you current parents, who understand way more than me that being a parent is easily the most humbling job on the planet. I still have a lot to learn!