Answered Prayers
After a year and a half or praying and fasting for our sweet boy in foster care, a family has been identified for him. What a bittersweet moment it was for me as I checked the county's website (just to creep on him and his status) to find that yes indeed, he is "off the market." Part of me was elated to know that this boy would finally know the love of a mother, father, or both (hopefully). This boy would finally get the mother that he so desperately longed for. What joy filled my heart as I pictured him being tucked in at night or sitting around a dinner table with his family!
...But I wanted to be his family. My heart has been aching for him since I saw his picture in March of 2012. He has held a place in my heart for a very long time. Like I have said before, I have been praying that God would ultimately be his father and that I could detach myself from him. Since we realized that we would not be his family, I have been praying for a good family to be identified for him. Of course I'd rather him be adopted by another family if Tim and I couldn't do it! And just when I thought that I had "moved on" and gotten over the idea of him not being mine, I see that someone else is adopting him and my heart aches all over.
However, this boy was never mine. I had no right giving him so much of my heart. But I did and now I have to move on. In the end, so very little of this life is in my control. This is just another way for God to show me that His ways are always better than mine. His will for my life will always triumph over mine.
At the end of the day, God has answered a prayer. My prayer. I want nothing but the absolute best for "our boy." This boy now has a family; what more could I want? As previously stated, this whole thing is very bittersweet. Of course I am happy that he has a family, but I am bummed he isn't a Swett. This child will always be special to me; he is the one who turned my heart towards domestic adoption.
I will continue to pray until his picture is no longer on that website. I pray that this family completes this adoption and loves that little boy more fiercely than I can imagine. I pray that this boy comes to know the love of his heavenly Father. I pray that this boy receives the healing he needs from his troubled past. I pray that he does well in school and finds some kind of success in life. Like Hannah had to do in 1 Samuel, I'm giving this boy back to God and praying that He takes care of the rest.
This song is for you, buddy. (disclaimer: I realize that this song is intended for a man/woman waiting for their significant other, but it soothes my heart in this situation)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ec0e_oTsYtI
The Civil Wars: To Whom It May Concern
Why are you so far from me?
In my arms is where you are to be
How long will you make me wait?
I don't know how much more I can take
I missed you but I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do
Slowly counting down the days
Till I finally know your name
The way your hand feels round my waist
The way you laugh, the way your kisses taste
I missed you but I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do
How I do
I've missed you but I haven't met you
Oh how I miss you but I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
Oh how I want to
Dear whoever you might be
I'm still waiting patiently
However, this boy was never mine. I had no right giving him so much of my heart. But I did and now I have to move on. In the end, so very little of this life is in my control. This is just another way for God to show me that His ways are always better than mine. His will for my life will always triumph over mine.
At the end of the day, God has answered a prayer. My prayer. I want nothing but the absolute best for "our boy." This boy now has a family; what more could I want? As previously stated, this whole thing is very bittersweet. Of course I am happy that he has a family, but I am bummed he isn't a Swett. This child will always be special to me; he is the one who turned my heart towards domestic adoption.
I will continue to pray until his picture is no longer on that website. I pray that this family completes this adoption and loves that little boy more fiercely than I can imagine. I pray that this boy comes to know the love of his heavenly Father. I pray that this boy receives the healing he needs from his troubled past. I pray that he does well in school and finds some kind of success in life. Like Hannah had to do in 1 Samuel, I'm giving this boy back to God and praying that He takes care of the rest.
This song is for you, buddy. (disclaimer: I realize that this song is intended for a man/woman waiting for their significant other, but it soothes my heart in this situation)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ec0e_oTsYtI
The Civil Wars: To Whom It May Concern
Why are you so far from me?
In my arms is where you are to be
How long will you make me wait?
I don't know how much more I can take
I missed you but I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do
Slowly counting down the days
Till I finally know your name
The way your hand feels round my waist
The way you laugh, the way your kisses taste
I missed you but I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do
How I do
I've missed you but I haven't met you
Oh how I miss you but I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
Oh how I want to
Dear whoever you might be
I'm still waiting patiently
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