Well That Seems Impossible
I worry about everything. I worry about the weather, I worry about my relationships, I worry about what I'm going to cook for dinner, I even worry about my insane amount of worries.
Tim and I had a recent devotion which included none other than Luke 12: 22-34 which is all about not worrying. I'm sure this devotion came to us at an appropriate time as our first visit with our homestudy assessor is tomorrow. I don't really know why I am worried or what I should even be worried about. I have been cleaning the apartment down to the baseboards, Tim and I have been practicing sample interview questions that we might be asked, and we are both very much on the same page about basically everything! So what is there to worry about?
I guess my real fear is that this lady will tell us that we are not fit to be adoptive parents. I guess that deep down I have so many insecurities. I am afraid that she will take one look at our life and say that it is not good enough for a child to enter. I know that this might seem crazy but it is something I cannot get over. I can't shake the feeling that we are going to be denied our adopted son. I have spent quite a bit of time Googling "reasons that homestudies are not approved."
This whole process has made me question myself so much. Who am I really and what kind of parent do I want to be. Tim and I have discussed discipline techniques, how to toe the line between love and discipline, and above all we have discussed how in the world we can afford our growing family. More than anything though I have questioned the Swetts ability to be a truly functional family. From the outside looking in, do we just look like a couple of broke kids who have no idea what they're doing?
No matter what happens tomorrow; whether we bomb every question she asks us or our apartment isn't as clean as I think it is (although this is highly unlikely), I have to trust that God is going ahead of me. Whatever way the chips fall in my life, I have to believe that God is in charge of it, not me. I refuse to base my belief system on the good or bad things that happen to me in my life. I chose to believe in the character of my God. Above all I have to remember to have faith and trust in who my God is. My God is goodness, my God is righteousness, my God is justice, my God is love, my God is trustworthy, and my God is for me. This is why I shouldn't worry about my life. If I really believe that God is all of those things, why should I worry?
The burdens I am currently carrying are entirely too heavy. There is no way I can face my challenges alone. I am thankful for a God who is willing and able to take all of my worries and concerns. That isn't to say that I don't spend most of my waking hours with a constant inner turmoil while thinking about everything that is going on. However, I encourage you to try to give up some of those worries to God. This isn't an easy process and requires a daily "giving up" but I can't think of anyone better to whine to about my problems that God (and of course all of you reading this!).
This whole process has made me question myself so much. Who am I really and what kind of parent do I want to be. Tim and I have discussed discipline techniques, how to toe the line between love and discipline, and above all we have discussed how in the world we can afford our growing family. More than anything though I have questioned the Swetts ability to be a truly functional family. From the outside looking in, do we just look like a couple of broke kids who have no idea what they're doing?
No matter what happens tomorrow; whether we bomb every question she asks us or our apartment isn't as clean as I think it is (although this is highly unlikely), I have to trust that God is going ahead of me. Whatever way the chips fall in my life, I have to believe that God is in charge of it, not me. I refuse to base my belief system on the good or bad things that happen to me in my life. I chose to believe in the character of my God. Above all I have to remember to have faith and trust in who my God is. My God is goodness, my God is righteousness, my God is justice, my God is love, my God is trustworthy, and my God is for me. This is why I shouldn't worry about my life. If I really believe that God is all of those things, why should I worry?
The burdens I am currently carrying are entirely too heavy. There is no way I can face my challenges alone. I am thankful for a God who is willing and able to take all of my worries and concerns. That isn't to say that I don't spend most of my waking hours with a constant inner turmoil while thinking about everything that is going on. However, I encourage you to try to give up some of those worries to God. This isn't an easy process and requires a daily "giving up" but I can't think of anyone better to whine to about my problems that God (and of course all of you reading this!).
No comments:
Post a Comment